Gretchen Adams

WHAT DO YOU LOVE MOST ABOUT BEING YOUR AGE?
I’ve done a lot of great things, I’ve made a lot of mistakes and learned from them, I’m wiser now. I have confidence and don’t give two flips about somebody else’s opinion of me. I don’t need anyone’s approval. I’m glad if someone wants to be my friend because I think I’m amazing. It feels good to be comfortable in my own skin, it’s wonderful.

WHAT HARDSHIPS HAVE YOU ENDURED THAT YOU FEEL HAVE MADE YOU STRONGER?
I have a lot of good memories from my childhood and some not so good. When my dad died, we didn’t have a lot of money, so we were frugal. We were creative and that forced us to read books, you find pleasure in simple things. Because of that, I’m not a super materialistic person.
I learned a lot about myself when going through my divorce. You look at yourself in the mirror and think about what I want to do differently, how can I be a better person. Then having a special needs kiddo is a lifetime thing, you must be tough mentally. Those situations have made me better, and more disciplined to have a plan.

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT?
My greatest achievement is my ability to be flexible enough to allow my path to change and see new opportunities. I have the ability to reinvent myself, I’ve done that quite a few times. Not staying stuck in one place and reinventing the path or trajectory I was on. I’m like a cat, I always land on my feet.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST EXTRAVAGANCE?
I love books and a good story. Growing up we had rooms full of books, it was prized very highly by my dad. I love that and it makes me happy to see my daughter has a love of reading. I’m a book sniffer, books can smell nice, especially at used bookstores. It’s hard to resist the urge if we walk into a bookstore, I always see something I like.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION?
I don’t really have a lot of possessions. My mom died a year ago and she had this table from Italy. We now have it at our house in Olathe. It has a glass top with rod iron, it is hand painted and looks like plants, with flowers and vines. I always loved that table, even as a little kid. My mom didn’t have a lot of possessions and when she died, we all took something that meant something to us, for me that was that table.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING YOU HAVE CHECKED OFF YOUR BUCKET LIST?
Getting a camper and going on adventures. It was something I always dreamt of as a kid. I love road trips, to me that is the definition of freedom, being able to embark on your own adventure, to see and experience all these places. I love it, there are so many beautiful places to see.

WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF PERFECT HAPPINESS?
What I’m feeling right now, I’m really at peace with my life. Not that I don’t experience difficulties, that’s life, you have problems and go through difficulties. Being able to let go of a lot of crap we’ve had in the past and to really have peace, I would say to me that is perfect happiness. I feel really content.
I had a very difficult childhood, we had a lot of issues, I went through a divorce, and I’ve got a special needs kid. That’s not to say I don’t have challenges and obstacles I think about every day, but at the end of the day, I can look in the mirror and feel at peace.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR YOUNGER SELF?
Be okay with who you are, it’s okay to be quirky and eccentric, lean into that and you’ll find your tribe. Be comfortable in your own skin and trust your gut, I should have trusted my gut a lot more. Listen to family members and other people who love you and have a vested interest in your life, and be open to their feedback.

DO YOU HAVE ANY WORDS OF WISDOM FOR YOUNGER WOMEN?
Find the people who really care about you and stick with them. Those are the people who will be loyal to you through thick and thin, they will be with you throughout your life.
Don’t react quickly to situations, sleep on it. Be patient, ride those storms out. When you wake up the next morning, it will be better, and you’ll have more clarity about the situation.

WHAT IS A TRAIT YOU ARE MOST PROUD OF?
My ability to always see the bright side of things. Even when things are a little bleak, I’m always looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. If you hang on long enough, you’re going to get there. It takes discipline and the ability to ride it out until it gets better.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO OR FAVORITE QUOTE?
Live with kindness and compassion.

WHAT DO YOU MOST VALUE IN YOUR FRIENDS?
The ability to laugh at a situation, laugh with you, cry with you. To accept you no matter what and say ‘you know what, I still like you and we’re still friends, we’ll always be friends’, that’s a really important quality. A good friend is someone who will call me out about something, in a loving way.

HOW DID YOU CHANGE OVER THE YEARS?
I’m stronger now and I’m more confident and comfortable in who I am as a person. I have a lot more flexibility to not react as quickly to situations as I used to.

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Being a bit more courageous in certain situations, to be able to say things, have a bit more moral courage. I was always very quiet in my family, people didn’t hear a lot out of me, which was safe, that way I didn’t have to get involved. As an adult, I still kind of get put back into that role with family because that’s what is comfortable. Maybe instead sometimes taking a step out of that shadow and saying something that should be said, even if it makes others uncomfortable. I’m good at it with my kids and Andy but that’s one thing I wish I was better at with my own family.

WHAT DO YOU HOPE FOR THE FUTURE GENERATIONS?
I wish there was more civility and kindness.
If we could just be a bit kinder to each other, we’d have an amazing place we’re part of. I feel like with all the technology we have now it’s so much easier not to do that because it’s comfortable in our little bubble. The best thing is to step out of your comfort zone to be kind to somebody else who may need it. A little bit of human connection never hurt anybody.

WHAT BRINGS YOU THE MOST JOY AT THIS AGE?
I had my kids late in life, Lauren is 10 and Landon is 12. I like that we can have a somewhat adult conversation and share thoughts. It makes me think and wonder what my parents shared with us growing up. It’s not as much fun when she disagrees with me. Our conversations bring me joy, to sit back and talk about life, hear what thoughts are going on in her head. I always look at things as expenditures of energy. I don’t have as much as I used to when I was younger, and I choose to spend my energy wisely so I’m not going to get upset about certain things.

WHAT IS YOUR SUPERPOWER?
The gift of encouragement. I’m a naturally optimistic and encouraging person and I believe that if you can spread some of that joy around it has a ripple effect. Even the high school kids told me that I’m really encouraging, and it helps them so much.

DO YOU LIKE BEING 40+?
I really do, especially with what I’m doing now, working with high school kids. They keep me young and young at heart. I feel I have something to add with my experience and wisdom of being out in the world for a while. I can recognize when a problem isn’t as big as I think it is, tomorrow will be better. And  I can wake up the next day and think yes, it’s really going to be ok.

WHEN IN YOUR LIFE, SO FAR, HAVE YOU FELT MOST CONFIDENT, AND WHY?
When I’m helping as a pacer in races. As a pacer, you work with a group of people and they have a specific time they want to reach and it’s your job to help them get to that time and meet that goal. Even though I get nervous, I want to make sure I do a really good job, I do feel confident because I know I’m a very encouraging person and I like to think I’m fun. It makes me feel good to make a difference for that person and help them reach their goal.