Heather Reed

WHAT DO YOU LOVE MOST ABOUT BEING YOUR AGE?
I’ve seen enough of the world to make informed decisions without being too impulsive. I’m still young enough to do whatever I want without being held back by pain, injury, fatigue, or other issues. I like being in my forties; this is a good age.

WHAT HARDSHIPS HAVE YOU ENDURED THAT YOU FEEL HAVE MADE YOU STRONGER?
I have a very narcissistic father, so growing up in that environment was very difficult. I don’t want to give details on that, but it did not give me the best foundation. I’ve had to do a lot of healing and soul searching since then. I’ve dealt with infertility; I’ve had five surgeries, all before I turned 40. Four of those were reproductive surgeries and then my foot surgery. I developed a chronic pain disorder at about the same time that I was finding out that I was infertile. The running was kind of an escape from a lot of that. I could get away and get my mind on something else just for a little bit. Not having children has probably been the most challenging thing for me in my whole life. It’s the only thing I ever was sure about that I wanted, and when it didn’t happen, it was pretty devastating.

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT?
That 53-mile race was my biggest achievement. I still look back at that and wonder how on earth I did that, remembering the process and questioning every decision I’ve ever made up to that point. In the running community, we always say never ask a runner who’s just finished a race when their next race; wait a week. They’ll tell you, “I’m never running again,” but give them a week when they feel better, and they’re already training for the next big thing.
I finished the 53 miles in 13.5 hours. I can’t even imagine it; it was horrible, hot, humid, and sticky, the perfect Southern Missouri weather.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST EXTRAVAGANCE?
I don’t live a very extravagant lifestyle. I eat pretty clean, and sharing a meal with family or a friend, eating something rich and entirely outside of what I normally eat, and then just savoring it feels like an extravagance. And actually enjoying it, mindful eating is an amazing experience if you’ve never done that. Trying new restaurants and recipes, I will try any food once. There’s rarely been anything I would say I would never eat again.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION?
I don’t like to place much value on material things.
My mind is my most treasured possession; it can be my greatest asset and hindrance. I have the power of discernment and find that balance by learning from my own mistakes and the mistakes of others.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING YOU HAVE CHECKED OFF YOUR BUCKET LIST?
I don’t know if it’s my favorite, but it is one of the things that I enjoyed doing. I always wanted to enter a baking contest for cupcakes.
A few years ago, at the Renaissance Festival of all places, I got second place out of 29 participants. I had never entered a contest before, and it was a recipe I created myself, so that was great. I felt very empowered and accomplished.

WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF PERFECT HAPPINESS?
It would be a situation where I’m not being discouraged by my negative self-talk. I’m learning a lot about what the opinions of others mean and being able to move forward every day and do what I want to do. I know and always live like the Hippocratic Oath, so do no harm. I will be me as long as I’m not stepping on somebody else’s toes. I’m all about liberty, and you do you. Anyone should be who they are meant to be as long as it doesn’t hurt or harm anybody else.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR YOUNGER SELF?
Don’t change yourself to fit somebody else’s mold. I grew up trying to fit in in places that, when I look back now, weren’t places for me. I would have been lying not just to folks around me but definitely to myself.

DO YOU HAVE ANY WORDS OF WISDOM FOR YOUNGER WOMEN?
Don’t allow others to create who you’re supposed to be.
There is a lot of pressure; women are supposed to be still whatever our society says: attractive, good moms and good employees. And at the same time, they’re supposed to balance all these things. They’re supposed to carry children and still look like 10’s. What is a 10? Who decides that? So just be you; if you’re healthy and happy, who cares what anybody else says?

WHAT IS A TRAIT YOU ARE MOST PROUD OF?
My sense of humor. My family on my mother’s side has a good way of taking situations and finding humor in them to make them bearable.
If we can find humor even in scary situations, they lose their power and become less scary. Disarming any of those fearful things gives us our power back.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO OR FAVORITE QUOTE?
Do small things with great love from Mother Teresa.
A lot of people believe that in order to change the world or to make an impact, you have to make big changes and impact several people at once. Really, the most impactful things are those little things that we do: smiling at somebody you meet randomly, holding a door for someone, listening to somebody having a bad day. Those small things enact more change than the big ones; it’s a ripple effect.

WHAT DO YOU MOST VALUE IN YOUR FRIENDS?
Our friends tend to be reflections of ourselves. If you want to know who you are, look at who you’re hanging out with, and that’ll give you a pretty good idea. I look for people who empower not just me but also others; I look for people who are empathetic, kind, and caring and who aren’t scared away by some of my strange quirks. Just as I look at them and love them for their everything, even their flaws, I want someone to love me for what I might view as my flaws too. A good friend is a friend that lifts you up.

HOW DID YOU CHANGE OVER THE YEARS?
I’m more outgoing than I used to be. I used to be very quiet and keep to myself. I always have my nose stuck in a book, which I still do.
I’ve been working with not so much the unhoused population but with substance use disorders since 2011. One of the biggest things I had to overcome was that I was great at doing one-on-ones with somebody, but I would also do educational groups, and the first few had stage fright. I didn’t know what to say; it was just like I was awkwardly standing there and stuttering.
The more that I did that, the better it got.
I used to be very active in my running groups, which helped me with socialization. Runners talk about everything, which breaks down many walls and barriers.

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Despite everything that I do and have accomplished, I still get discouraged very easily. I can have a great day and feel like I’m on top of the world, and then one bad phone call or one cancellation of a plan, can be devastating. I want to learn how to handle disappointment better so I don’t get discouraged.

WHAT DO YOU HOPE FOR THE FUTURE GENERATIONS?
If people could create environments where people are kind, it would solve 90-plus percent of the issues we have in the world. Just be kind, respectful, and mindful. Mindfulness is key; consider how your actions and words impact others. You must find that line between just-do-you and forgetting everybody else. There are other people we must live with; we must make it OK to be kind and love people despite their differences.

WHAT BRINGS YOU THE MOST JOY AT THIS AGE?
I could never have children, but I have a niece and a nephew who are very close, in both proximity and to my heart. It’s important to me to show them that there’s nothing in the world that they can’t do if they set their priorities straight and keep their minds focused.
I don’t want my niece to get discouraged to the point where she wants to give up or lose her self-love. I want her to be empowered and follow her heart and dreams.
I like setting an example for people: no matter what you’ve been through, you’re still here for a reason, so life’s not done with you yet.

WHAT IS YOUR SUPERPOWER?
I have many superpowers, but my greatest is my work with populations on which the world turns its back.
I get a lot of inspiration from Mother Teresa because she was never afraid of going to the least fortunate people, especially in the Calcutta area.
She was very open. She would hug and touch lepers and allow people to live with dignity and respect regardless of their background, income, or spirituality.
I like to do that with people; I enjoy working with the people I do. I’ve met many fantastic personalities and fighters, and many people have inspired me.

DO YOU LIKE BEING 40+?
I love being 40 plus; I was more afraid of turning 30 than 40. My grandmother just turned 93 and is still very industrious; my mother is the same. They inspire me to keep going and live each day to the fullest. They’re more likely to go ahead and do it and ask for forgiveness later than to ask permission.

WHEN IN YOUR LIFE, SO FAR, HAVE YOU FELT MOST CONFIDENT, AND WHY?
I felt most confident in my mid-30s; I was ultra-marathon running then.
Some people were always very athletic in their younger years, and I didn’t believe I could be an athlete. Seeing the look on their faces later when I would go and smash 30+ miles on a Saturday just because it made me feel strong and confident and I could do anything. In 2019, I ran a 50-mile race, so two full marathons, 53 miles by the time I finished, which was pretty wild.
A lot has happened since then; I feel more confident now in some ways than I did then because I’ve had a lot of adversity. Having overcome all those things and, in most ways, come out even better on the other side.
It’s kind of a toss-up between the two. I can’t do those things anymore, but having made it through infertility and several cancer scares. I had half-foot surgery, which took me away from running, which was my absolute passion. At this point, I feel like I’m unstoppable.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE TO ADD?
I start my classes for my graduate degree in less than a month, and that’s something that I’ve literally put off for 20 years. I’m cautiously optimistic about that.
I will have my masters in social work degree in two years, and then I will be a fully licensed clinical social worker and able to practice without supervision.