Kelsie Smith

WHAT DO YOU LOVE MOST ABOUT BEING YOUR AGE?
I’ve reached a point in my life where I have accomplished something. I’ve come to the point where I’m now an adult; I know myself and can be for a while. I struggled with turning 35 because it was almost 40. I started to go through this time in my life when I was thinking about what I wanted for myself, what I wanted for my family, who I am, and where I wanted to be; if I am an adult, can I do what I want to do? Why do I have to listen to other people, and who are these people I’m trying to impress? That was when I started thinking that I needed to be happy with being 35, and I began to try to change my thought process and do things I wanted to do. I wanted to finish my degree; I wanted to go back to school. I wanted to have a better job and do more challenging work. I didn’t want to live in the town we were in. I felt like we had settled in all different areas of our lives, and I didn’t want to feel like that.
Throughout the last five years, I worked through each area, making it the best I wanted. When I turned 40, it was like this accomplishment that I’d made it to 40. Looking back, I did change all of these things that I was stressing out about when I was 35. I’ve learned a lot of things through that process, and I feel better now. We have three kids, and I feel like an adult now.

WHAT HARDSHIPS HAVE YOU ENDURED THAT YOU FEEL HAVE MADE YOU STRONGER?
I had some pretty bad health scares when I was in my early 20s, and that for sure made me learn not to take life for granted. I got a big wake-up call on what matters and learned to pick my battles.
It helped change my mindset about what’s important in life and what’s not. We had high medical bills, and a year and a half later, I was 27, we had to file for bankruptcy because of all of my medical bills. That was very stressful. We went through it together and leaned on each other. We learned to budget well, handle money better, and save. This was 18 years ago, and it was a horrible time. I learned so much from it. We taught our children budgeting and managing money. I fear running out of money or not saving enough; I never want that to happen again. I learned that things don’t matter; people and relationships matter.

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT?
The first is the work I’ve done on myself in the last three years and then my marriage. If I hadn’t done the work on myself, I wouldn’t have been able to put in the work as a couple. Having those tools and understanding who I am will help me put my best self into a relationship. I first had to work on myself, and I’ve done so much work, which is hard to do. Working on yourself mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally is a never-ending process. They are all connected. The more you learn, the more you figure that out and start finding all the things you need to work on. I feel so proud of myself for doing the work and even recognizing years ago that it needed to happen. And to be OK, saying I need help, I can’t do everything alone.
I decided to trust other people, which is very hard to do. I started with my mental health and got a good therapist and had her help me along the way. It turned into this big, long journey of three years. I’m still working on things, but it has changed my life. Working on myself has led to working on my relationship with my husband. We’ve been together 20 years, and we’ve been married 16. Being married is a lot of work, and we don’t say that enough. The younger generations need to hear how hard marriage can be and that it’s work sometimes. You have two people who want to work on a marriage intentionally; you need tools and education. You need the knowledge to do it and can only do it with help sometimes. I’m proud of the work I’ve done for myself and how far my marriage has come.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST EXTRAVAGANCE?
We save for fun family vacations; that’s our thing, to spend time together. My fun extravagance is spa days. I like my spa days; I wish I could do them all the time.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION?
My most treasured possessions are my Bible and my photo albums.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING YOU HAVE CHECKED OFF YOUR BUCKET LIST?
Last summer, I went down one of the big water slides at the water park. I was proud of myself for that; it was something I would never do.
And I recently went ice skating, which was fun. My next thing to cross off is to go to the top of the Manitou incline in Manitou Springs Co.

WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF PERFECT HAPPINESS?
Feeling content and at peace whatever situation you’re in, wherever you are in that season of life. That’s true gratitude: being completely present wherever you are, not thinking about what should or could have been. Enjoying the moments with whoever you’re with.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR YOUNGER SELF?
I would tell her not to stress; you are a beautiful girl. Other people’s opinions don’t matter; you matter, take that pressure off. High school is hard, college is hard, it’s all hard, and you have to be OK with yourself. Find something that makes you happy, get good friends, find your people. Put yourself out there, and don’t be scared to try things that make you feel uncomfortable.

DO YOU HAVE ANY WORDS OF WISDOM FOR YOUNGER WOMEN?
We teach people how to treat us, so you can say something if you don’t like how someone treats you. If you’re unhappy, say something, you have the right to be happy. You don’t have to stay in a relationship, job, or situation where you’re unhappy; you can change it.

WHAT IS A TRAIT YOU ARE MOST PROUD OF?
I am very giving, nurturing, and compassionate. Having the ability to care for others is what I enjoy, and I’m good at it.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO OR FAVORITE QUOTE?
Let them. We cannot choose for other people; we cannot control other people. Once I had that click in my head, it relieved me of all of this stress because I did not realize how much I was trying to control the environment and people around me.

The other one is from Renee Brown: expectations are future resentments waiting to happen. That was a huge moment in one of my marriage counseling sessions; I always used the word expectations. You know, we set our expectations, and then we all are on the same page, and so then we all know what it should be, and if we all know this expectation, then we all know the goal. The problem was that I was setting the expectation, and it was my expectation of everyone else. It wasn’t a mutual expectation. I learned to openly discuss the result or goal we’re trying to achieve, which has helped me with my relationships with my husband, kids, coworkers, and others.

WHAT DO YOU MOST VALUE IN YOUR FRIENDS?
Loyalty: I have one or two good friends. Since we moved to the Wichita area, my close girlfriends are not local anymore. It’s different; I can’t just go to their house. Making friends is hard for me, but once I achieve that friendship, you are my person, and I will be your friend forever.

HOW DID YOU CHANGE OVER THE YEARS?
I am a completely new person with my mental health. I used to be so stressed, with a type A personality. I am still learning. I needed everybody to be on my schedule, and if that didn’t happen, I was flustered and so stressed that I didn’t enjoy my job. My husband and I always argued because I wanted him to do things my way. I couldn’t sleep, I would stress eat, and I didn’t take care of myself because I didn’t have time. Now, I make time for myself and my mental health; that’s a priority; I make time for my physical health. I got rid of many things in my schedule, and it was hard to realize that I wanted to do these things, but it doesn’t mean that I have to do them all this year. I prioritize and spread things out and freed up my schedule to have days when I don’t have anything on my schedule. It has been nice to look at my calendar and have a day when there’s nothing on there. I look forward to those days. I am present now, and when I go to work, I’m at work, and my patients get 100% of me. And when I’m home, I’m home, and then on homework days, I do homework. I’ve been able to compartmentalize those things.

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I still am a little bit controlling; it’s hard for me to say no. It’s hard for me to say no because when there’s a person on the other end of that ask, I don’t want to hurt that person. Or saying no to an extra shift, or going in when your coworkers are drowning and they’re short-staffed, you’re saying no to people needing help. It’s hard not to feel guilty and say no to that stuff. I feel guilty sometimes as a mom; you see your kids not have everything that everybody else has, and the first instinct is to give them that. But then you realize that’s probably not the best thing. Mom guilt is real, and it would be nice if that could go away.

WHAT DO YOU HOPE FOR THE FUTURE GENERATIONS?
Can we all just get along? I’d like to see gender roles disappear and there be true equality. It’s not something you can write in a textbook, but it’s individualized; people are people, and we’re all different. We are all unique, so what’s fair for one is not necessarily fair for the other. I wish there were a way to look at that politically, and I have no idea how to do that because I see people, not laws. I see the people who come in asking for help and don’t have what they need, and there are so many holes in our system. I don’t know how to help with that. We can choose to be kind, and it’s so simple, but be kind and get along. Even if you don’t agree with someone, you can still be kind to them.

WHAT BRINGS YOU THE MOST JOY AT THIS AGE?
My family brings me the most joy at this age: spending time with my kids. Now they are older, sometimes it’s like a friendship, and I don’t want to be their best friend; I want to keep that parental relationship. They’re older and fun to hang out with. I love our family outings, vacations, and watching movies together; I enjoy spending time with them or just doing simple things like cooking with them. That’s what gives me true joy.

WHAT IS YOUR SUPERPOWER?
I have a good sense of discernment; I can read the room well. I have empathy. Just being able to relate to others, figure out what they need, and help them advocate for that. I can do that with patients, my children, my husband, and myself.

DO YOU LIKE BEING 40+?
I’m proud to be 40 and excited to get older now. I’m excited to be in this season of life and not scared of what’s to come. Seeing what I can do now and what’s coming up next excites me. I’ve been trying more things than my bucket list because I have achieved so much in these five years. I am proud of myself for the things I’ve done and don’t want to lose that motivation to keep going. I want to be motivating to other people, my kids, and the people I work with.

WHEN IN YOUR LIFE, SO FAR, HAVE YOU FELT MOST CONFIDENT, AND WHY?
I feel confident or proud at work in stressful situations, and I must use my training and skills to care for patients. I feel confident in my parenting and choices with my children. I’m confident in my relationship with God.
There was a time when my nephew was sick, and I had to fly to Denver four times. I was terrified at first; I had never navigated airports by myself. Flying by myself for the first time, I felt extremely nervous. Then, after flying the second time, I was confident and proud of myself.
I was super confident when I got married; I was confident in my choice.
When I met my husband, he was my brother’s best friend.
On our first date, I told my husband that my intent on dating was to get married, and if he didn’t want to get married, I didn’t want to waste my time and date. That night, he told my brother I will marry your sister. I didn’t know that until years later. We dated and got married three years later. I was confident when he asked me to marry him, and I was confident in saying yes.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE TO ADD?
Women need to share their stories. I heard many women speak to me throughout different seasons of my life, and little tidbits here and there would stick with me growing up. We need more of that; we need women of all ages and all seasons of life sharing their honest stories and not hiding the bad things that happened or insecurities and the things that we’re worried about. Women sometimes have to put up this strong front when we’re out in public or with other people.
We share our weaknesses and behind the scenes with our intimate people. I am my full self now, and whoever I’m with, once I get to know you, like if I have a patient ask me a question or one of my kid’s friends, I will share my story or answer honestly.
I want to help; I won’t hide my mistakes or faults. If someone can learn or better themselves, or if I can help someone, I’ll do that. That’s important, and I hope to find women my age and older who will share how it is to grow older. To hear what it’s really like. I plan to do that for younger girls.