Kaye Monk-Morgan

WHAT DO YOU LOVE MOST ABOUT BEING YOUR AGE?
I love that there are things that I cared about before I don’t care about now. I’ll say things I want to say. I’ve always been like that, but I’m much more confident in what I say. I am much more observant of things and growing in some wisdom. I’m the older person or one of the oldest in the room, and sometimes people ask me what I think, and I’m like so glad you asked, I have an opinion on that. I love knowing what I know and then being able to, without hesitation, claim what I don’t know.

WHAT HARDSHIPS HAVE YOU ENDURED THAT YOU FEEL HAVE MADE YOU STRONGER?
As my kids would say, life be life. I grew up here in Wichita, and we didn’t have much financial support. I had a huge, loving family, and while I might have been impoverished economically, I certainly wasn’t for love or any of those other intangible things.
My stepfather was an alcoholic, and we lived within the specter of what that does to families when you have a parent who’s addicted to alcohol. I didn’t know how I was going to go to college, but I was fortunate enough to win a scholarship to go to Wichita State. I learned very early on that hard work is the way you get stuff, and stuff usually means access to things that are not necessarily material. And if I want to be in the room, to be included, to have a voice, I have shit I have to do.
I’ve had a job since I was 12, doing something for pay. My willingness to do things, and in some cases other people aren’t willing to do, as it relates to the amount of time or energy or work. Lots of people could have doctorates if they wanted to pursue that.
I don’t have a pitiful outlook on how I grew up or my experiences, and there certainly have been great losses. I’ve been fortunate; I’ve had a blessed life.

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT?
I like to hope I have yet to achieve it and that there’s still something out there. That somebody will say, “Oh my God, I can’t believe what Kaye did.” that would be great. I’ve had many things that I look back on, moments where I could sit back and say, “Wow, I did that.”.
For 20 years, I worked with high school students, 584 of them, to be exact. My much-beloved munchkins are now in their forties with babies and degrees and lives of their own. Touching the lives of those 584 young people is my most significant contribution.
I ran a math and science program called Upper Bound. A federally funded program at Wichita State that took gifted students who happened to be the first in their families who might have the chance to go to college. They often came from impoverished families but were academically gifted and wanted to attend college. Our job was to support them from 8th grade into college and to the degree.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST EXTRAVAGANCE?
It’s become self-care; I was diagnosed with breast cancer in December of 2022 and have just completed a whole year cycle of surgeries and radiation. I just learned yesterday that my mammogram is clean, which feels great. But what it taught me is what my mom has probably always said, and my grandmother told my mother before then, is if you don’t sit down and take care of yourself, God will give you an opportunity to sit down. He’ll sit you down, and I got sat down. I had rotator cuff surgery one year, I didn’t sit down long enough, breast cancer came up, and I don’t know if this is how God thinks about it, but this is how I process it.
I have another opportunity to think about my life and how I show up, how I show up for myself. I’ve learned that you know it’s a benefit to have health care. I have a natural path, an OBGYN, and a dentist, and I see all those people and let them take care of me. That’s my new extravagance. I left healthcare providers; I get a pedicure sometimes, I go to my hairstylist, I go to the spa and let somebody rub that big nut out of the side of my neck, all those things, big extravagance.
We dealt with a lot; we changed jobs, we moved, my best friend died, my oldest kid moved out, had two surgeries, all in 18 months. It’s been a lot, and I’m still here.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION?
My grandfather’s sister gave me a fur coat, and when she gave it to me, she told me to immediately take it to a furrier and have my name inscribed inside. I don’t wear it often, but my name is right underneath hers. She was the type of woman I wanted to be, and that’s cool for my name to be next to hers. It makes my heart smile.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING YOU HAVE CHECKED OFF YOUR BUCKET LIST?
I don’t have a bucket list; I got a doctorate. Working in Higher Education is an interesting space, particularly if you do it for a long time. It’s not novel for people to have doctorates because most people around you have one. In my mind, my work didn’t allow me to do that easily with regard to time and bandwidth. I accomplished a doctorate in educational leadership a couple of years ago.

WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF PERFECT HAPPINESS?
Contentment, and not long for people and/or things, just to be full. I’m most that when hanging out with my family. I’m reminded over the holidays when everybody gathered here, we played games, were silly, and sang songs. That feels like pure happiness. That’s not something I could buy or that someone can give, that pure opportunity to be with people you love.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR YOUNGER SELF?
It’s going to be OK, relax and have fun. One of the things I would tell myself is about the hustle and the desire to work and demonstrate a level of worthiness. To be intentional about creating an opportunity, to celebrate and to have some fun. When I travel now, I will stay an extra day because, for 20 years, I have traveled all over the world, and I went in and did what I was supposed to do. I got on the plane and came back. I never stayed an extra day. I went to DC three times a year for ten years and never visited a museum. How do you go to DC and not go to the mall and see any number of things? That became my thing: if I’m going to be there, I will find a way to do something for myself while I’m there. That’s what I would say when you go stay an extra day.

DO YOU HAVE ANY WORDS OF WISDOM FOR YOUNGER WOMEN?
Many young women, particularly in professional settings, will say I want to be like you, or I want you have. It’s taken me 52 years to become the person I am, and you think you will be me at 22 or 25, or even 35? This is a combination of 52 years’ worth of wins and losses and experiences and lessons. I had to earn those things right, with every wrinkle, every sagging whatever, those things are earned. So I would tell these young women to take their time and understand they’re earning it. It will come. It will come, but you don’t wake up like this; only Beyoncé shows up like that; the rest of us worked at this thing every day; it’s hard work.

WHAT IS A TRAIT YOU ARE MOST PROUD OF?
I have a curious nature. I don’t say it’s insatiable, but I have many questions. I always have lots of questions, and I dare to ask them in some cases when other people aren’t willing or able to do so. The way I think and see things, and my willingness to ask hard questions.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO OR FAVORITE QUOTE?
My grandma used to say For the grace of God go I.
I used to hear it in church and family settings all the time. Judging another person’s journey or experience is hard because it could be you.
By happenstance, you’re not experiencing whatever this thing is, whether that’s good or bad. So the notion that I just happened to have been, my spirit was born into this particular body, at this particular juncture, in this particular place, to do this particular work. Still, I could have easily been born in a different situation where something else could be the case.
It’s allowed me, in that whole patience and growth and maturation process, to leave room for people, to be less judgmental, and in some cases, my own business and not have opinions about things that I shouldn’t have opinions about. Because it’s not my work, I’m born in this body to do this thing, and I can influence this particular space aside from that, leave it alone.

WHAT DO YOU MOST VALUE IN YOUR FRIENDS?
Honesty. And I have a personality that people presume is confident, so I need a friend who will tell me I’m wrong. Maybe it’s not honesty; maybe it’s the courage to say: Nope, sit down, wrong answer, or I can’t believe you’re going to do that, or that’s horrible, or that’s an ugly outfit, don’t wear that, all those things. I don’t think I have a lot of people in my life who will say that, so when I find someone willing to be a truth-teller and will do so in the pursuit of helping me to be a better version of me, that’s a keeper.

HOW DID YOU CHANGE OVER THE YEARS?
I am more deliberative; I think about things more than just responding, which is still a growth thing for me because sometimes I say things that I probably shouldn’t because I didn’t think about them. I certainly have a lot more patience. At one point in my young life, I prayed for patience and learned that the only way to get it is through trial and error. So I stopped praying for stuff like that because God gives it to me, but not how I want him to do it, the easy way.
I’m much more patient. I want people to say I’m kind, but if you ask five people to describe me, I doubt that that will be the word that will come up. Not because I’m unkind, but I don’t think that’s the go-to.
Post-breast cancer, I’m much more positive; I’m just not worried about things that other people get concerned about.

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I’d be more disciplined and able to build a routine and stick to it.
This year, I downloaded an app and built out a morning routine of what I’m supposed to do, aside from combing my hair, putting on makeup, brushing my teeth, and showering. Things like taking my vitamins, drinking a glass of apple cider vinegar, doing my yoga, and, even more importantly, I need to take my medication.
I haven’t been able to do it, so I now have an app that walks me through everything and reminds me. I wish that I had more discipline.

WHAT DO YOU HOPE FOR THE FUTURE GENERATIONS?
Civility and the ability to coexist. For so long in our society, particularly in the US, it has felt like there has been one way to do things: the way of the majority. Some of those structures required a monolithic way of thinking, doing, and processing things. Our response as a community or as a culture has been to say oh, we’re more polarized. We’ve always had differing opinions on how we do things; it’s just that other people now have a voice, and it’s not a monolith. We have to consider the opinions of other folks in ways that we may not have historically needed to. We must learn to talk across differences, come together, and find unifying things. I think we spent a lot of time professionally, and it’s kind of the personal stuff that I do every day, helping people figure out how I not only live my best life but do it in such a way that it doesn’t encroach on somebody else’s ability to live theirs. We have yet to learn how to do that. I hope my children and their children will be better at it than my generation.

WHAT BRINGS YOU THE MOST JOY AT THIS AGE?
My people, my family, and that’s been the case all my life. I get a lot of energy from my source, my grandparents when they were still here, and my mother, who I’m fortunate to have with me. I have siblings that I get a lot of chances to hang out with. And then, the family that Derek and I have created gives me lots of joy and opportunity to support them. When I’m not doing that, I love travel. I didn’t grow up in a family that took medications or traveled; we were poor. I’m learning now what it’s like to go somewhere and not have to be there for work. I’m learning to stay an extra day even when I am there for work so that I get to do something while I’m in those communities.

WHAT IS YOUR SUPERPOWER?
My grandma used to tell me that my superpower is discernment. It is just an ability I have, a Spidey sense like Spiderman; when things start tingling, that’s either good or bad. And I listen to it, even when I can’t explain to others why I think a thing is good or bad. I have an intuition and a strong gut, and it’s not always right. But I’m a woman of great faith, so even when it doesn’t turn out completely how I think it will, it still turns out.
When you’re 30, you don’t know, you need to be older for that.

DO YOU LIKE BEING 40+?
I do like being 40+; I have a bit of wisdom behind it, which feels good. It’s hard to be a young person right now, and I’m sure every 50-year-old woman said that about a 30-year-old woman. Things are much more complex now than when I was dating or thinking about getting married or having children. Sometimes, more choice leads to more confusion. I had many options, but not nearly what young women are dealing with now.

WHEN IN YOUR LIFE, SO FAR, HAVE YOU FELT MOST CONFIDENT, AND WHY?
The older I get, with my nieces and nephews, because it’s almost an experience of parenting the second time. If I didn’t get it right with the two I gave birth to, I can get it right with somebody else’s, so I feel confident in those spaces.
I’m confident at work, even in a new set of circumstances. I’ve only been at the Kansas Leadership Center for two years, not even two years. That feels good because I don’t have all the answers. I know what I know, and that stuff that I don’t, we can Google or find somebody else who does very well.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE TO ADD?
Not about me; I just think this has been a delight and a really fun experience. I’m so glad Laura sent me the link and said you should think about this, and I thought, why would I think about it? I’m like, you know what, there’s a woman doing a really cool thing, and we want to support women, and photos would be cool. I don’t have any cool photos, just me that could be fun.
I’m really proud of myself for saying I’ll call her or I’ll do it, not a typical cake thing to do, and so I’m in gratitude that you have created such an opportunity for what it sounds like there are so many fabulous women.