Karen Alefs Capell

WHAT DO YOU LOVE MOST ABOUT BEING YOUR AGE?
There is much to love about being “over 40,” but if I had to choose one thing, it would be the peace I feel about where I am right now. Our lives begin with growing, learning, experiencing, and always looking to the future. Then, one day we look in the mirror and notice that face staring back at us could use a little pressing! Life happened, leaving its mark. Yet, it’s the face of a daughter, wife, mother, business owner, grandmother, and survivor, who has lived one chapter after another to reach this current one. Though some chapters weren’t always joyful, each one had good in it. How many chapters are left? God only knows, but I look back, smile with gratitude, and continue to plan new adventures. We cannot relive yesterday, nor can we know tomorrow. We have the present, which is a gift.

DO YOU LIKE BEING 40+?
I celebrated my 75th birthday this year, and it feels amazing to have made it to the “diamond” level! My forties are far back in the rearview mirror, which is smaller than the windshield for good reason. It’s OK to look back for a minute, but we should always focus on the road before us. There might be a few chips in my windshield, but 75 is a good place to be.

WHEN IN YOUR LIFE, SO FAR, HAVE YOU FELT MOST CONFIDENT, AND WHY?
“Confidence is not a loud declaration but rather a quiet certainty.” ~author unknown.  Self-confidence was not a strong suit when I was young. It came slowly, with experiences lived and lessons learned from mistakes. You can learn from others’ mistakes, too. But the longer you live in someone else’s shadow, the longer it takes to cast your own. Baby Boomers – those born in the 50s, came of age in the turbulent 60s in the era of Peace, Love, and Rock’ n’ Roll – went in many directions. But, I took the more traditional route – that of wife & mother. I was a busy, stay-at-home mom, blessed to spend precious time with my children when they were growing up. When my 40s hit, the kids were on their way to adulthood, ready to leave the nest. The comfort and security I had known shifted to restlessness and the desire to see if there was more to life. Restlessness eventually became clarity, and after making my hardest decision yet, I left Kansas and moved to the desert.

The new life that greeted me in Arizona was full of adventure – riding Harleys all over the Southwest, motorcycle rallies in Sturgis, and even a “half-baked” trip across Alaska. We rode with a group of bikers who became dear friends as we traveled over 100,000 miles together through beautiful country on unforgettable journeys. Between Harley trips, I charted a new career in the amusement business and later became part owner of three amusement parks in the Phoenix area. Our business was FUN! Literally. It came with challenges that were typical of any other business. But the parks grew, and families returned again and again to have fun and make memories. Those were probably my “growing-up” years. They were the times when I felt more in control and confident in who I was and what I could do. My one tiny regret is that I never had my own Harley!

WHAT BRINGS YOU THE MOST JOY AT THIS AGE?
Reconnecting with family and friends since my move back to Kansas has brought much joy to me this past year. I’m still exploring where I fit in here, but it’s a fun challenge, and I know I’m where I belong.

WHAT IS YOUR SUPERPOWER?
Overthinking – without a doubt! And I do my best overthinking in the middle of the night when I try to remind myself that my ship is not sinking! It’s being steered by my overthinking. Life does not change by thinking alone – it changes by doing! I’m ‘thinking’ right now about doing something to upgrade that overthinking skill!

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT?
Giving birth to and raising two beautiful children who have become responsible, caring adults is an achievement I’m proud to claim. I helped set them on their path. Now, they’re doing the heavy lifting as productive, independent adults and loving parents to my grand!

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST EXTRAVAGANCE?
For over 22 years, when I lived in Arizona, I treated myself to a luxurious manicure every other week by the same nail tech. She became a cherished friend as well. To this day, we both say those nail sessions were like therapy between friends. I so miss her – and that lovely treat.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION?
My mother’s wedding ring – a simple band on which three diamonds are mounted – one for each of her children is most treasured. It was our dad’s gift to her on their 50th wedding anniversary. I’m honored to wear it now. My good health is another! It’s probably more of a gift not to be taken for granted.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING YOU HAVE CHECKED OFF YOUR BUCKET LIST?
Visiting my son and his family in Switzerland, which has to be one of the most beautiful places on earth. It’s back on the bucket list – I want to go again!!! Another bucket list item was to write something and get it published. Could submitting my answers to the 40 Over 40 magazine qualify for that?

WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF PERFECT HAPPINESS?
Sitting in quiet stillness, eyes closed, feeling the joy inside and peace all around me, to just BE. Love, Peace, Joy & Gratitude all in one space.

WHAT IS A TRAIT YOU ARE MOST PROUD OF?
When I meet someone for the first time and say my name is Karen, I often feel the need to tell people that I’m a “nice Karen.” It usually gets a chuckle, and then I am obliged to prove it’s true. We “Karens” get a bad rap these days – definitely undeserved (by us nice Karens, anyway)! Twenty-five years in the amusement park business taught me that successfully resolving an issue is more likely if both sides feel heard and are treated with respect. Even though FUN was our business, there were days at the park when my last nerve was frayed trying to give that picky birthday mom (worse than a cranky Karen!) a memorable experience for her one-year-old. KINDNESS is a valuable trait that goes hand-in-hand with patience. I’m still working on that last one…

WHAT HARDSHIPS HAVE YOU ENDURED THAT YOU FEEL HAVE MADE YOU STRONGER?
Remarkably, my life has seen relatively few serious hardships. The deaths of both my parents was a tough one. Divorce was another. Some of my hardships were self-inflicted after making a hard choice that also affected others. I had to get past the notion that seeing that proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel” was NOT necessarily an oncoming train.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR YOUNGER SELF?
Stop waiting for “one day.” You have the ability, the resiliency, and the courage – believe in yourself and stop living like an emotional nomad. NOT doing something is also a choice.

DO YOU HAVE ANY WORDS OF WISDOM FOR YOUNGER WOMEN?
Put down your phones! Stop punching out your words on a screen. Often, you are only one misplaced comma away from a big misunderstanding. (It seems nobody uses commas except for me!) Talk to each other face to face. Then, listen. Try to understand what the other person has to say. It’s OK to talk to yourself – if you get into an argument, you always win! Consistently practice intent, dedication, and focus – that’s called discipline. Goals are merely wishes without a plan. Take action to become successful at whatever you want to do well. Don’t give up. Face your fears. Own your mistakes. Winning comes in all shapes and sizes. Losing is learning – it’s not the end of the world. Have principles. Set boundaries, but don’t build walls so high that others can’t reach you. … Words of Wisdom from ~ a “Karen”

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO OR FAVORITE QUOTE?
“What we run from pursues us – what we face transforms us.” ~David Kessler

WHAT DO YOU MOST VALUE IN YOUR FRIENDS?
My mother was a founding member of a close-knit group of friends who called themselves the “Feisties.” Several years before she passed, I gave her a decorative pillow for Christmas. On it were these words embroidered in gold thread: “Ya Ya’s: A group of three or more women whose hearts and souls are joined together by laughter and tears shared through the glorious journey of life.” The embroidered pillow meme fit the Feisties perfectly. I was privileged to join them in a few of their monthly “sewing sessions” (though I never actually saw any sewing). It was a tiny, private sorority of Christian women who supported each other through illness, family crises, hilarious pranks, prayer, and even an occasional bitch session. After her death, the pillow returned to me, and it has given me joy and a sense of comfort that she is still with me. That pillow is a profound statement of the bond that I share with my close friends. They are my precious “Ya Ya’s.”

HOW DID YOU CHANGE OVER THE YEARS?
Some changes happened overnight – becoming a mom for the first time was one of those. When I looked into that tiny face, it hit me that this little being was dependent on me for everything! Striving to be a good Mom was a perpetual thing – then #2 came along! After that, the dynamic changed drastically! Over time, as they grew and began to celebrate their accomplishments, I realized my children’s successes were not because of me but perhaps despite me. However, believing I did my best, everything turned out way better than OK! “Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead, let life live through you.” ~ Rumi 

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I would change that feeling of not always being ready to take the next step. (Overthinking at its best here) The FEAR paradigm that our ego constantly whispers, “Danger! – You need more time – You’re not smart enough – What if it doesn’t work? – How will you survive?” In the midst of uncertainty and inconsistency, I try to stay calm and grounded, protecting my peace, while still believing I can do this! Fewer wrinkles would be nice!!

WHAT DO YOU HOPE FOR THE FUTURE GENERATIONS?
To the future generations, even some 40+, I would say, We Boomers may be old, but we do know some stuff! Trust me when I say Google doesn’t know everything. (Do I hear giggles?) Seriously, future generations should have a better life. The certainty of that statement is that it is not certain. Leaving a mess for them to clean up is not the legacy I wish to be mine. Instead, I pray that my children & grandchildren will learn from our mistakes and strive to make this a more beautiful world for generations to come.