Barbara Blakely

WHAT DO YOU LOVE MOST ABOUT BEING YOUR AGE?
I love the freedom of being in my fifties.  As you get older, you realize that life is finite and self-reflection leads to the gift of self-acceptance.  You don’t care as much about what people think, and you let go of others’ and societal expectations.  I am more myself than ever, and it is so lovely.

WHAT HARDSHIPS HAVE YOU ENDURED THAT YOU FEEL HAVE MADE YOU STRONGER?
My growing up was very difficult.  I come from a home of alcoholism, dysfunction, and neglect. My parents were well-educated people from seemingly “good” homes, passionate, sensitive, and well-intentioned.  But inside, they were fighting relentless demons from their own upbringings, and unfortunately, this is what my siblings and I had to deal with.  Their fighting was violent, and there were many tragedies along the way. I was sexually abused by a neighbor for months, and my sister passed away at 9 years old from unknown causes.  There was never enough money, and we went without.  My parents struggled every day, but the saving grace was that they still loved us – they never intentionally hurt us (physically or otherwise), and they tried to teach us what was important.  Today, there is no shame in these experiences for me – I wear them like a badge of honor, as they taught me what I didn’t want in life and gave me the strength and street smarts to get beyond it, to strive for better.

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT?
My greatest achievement is turning a very unstable upbringing into a beautiful and normal life.  When I step back and think about where I came from, I realize how different things could have turned out in my life.  With a combination of tenacity, hope, some luck, and the grace of God, I am here – I am healthy, strong, and happy.  I have survived and “broken the cycle” of neglect, addiction, and abuse, and that will always be the biggest gift I could give to myself and my children.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST EXTRAVAGANCE?
Well, I inherited my love of old cars from my Dad, and while he preferred British toy cars (e.g., MG Midget, Triumph Spitfire), my tastes evolved to more modern types and the speed that goes with it.  I love Corvettes and have owned 2 in the past years, and of course, another will be purchased before I reach 60.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION?
Beyond my kids of course, I love antiques – furniture, memorabilia, art, jewelry.  I do have some lovely paintings that I cherish and have a fairly large collection of jewelry.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING YOU HAVE CHECKED OFF YOUR BUCKET LIST?
While working for Textron, I was given the opportunity to join a fleet of Lycoming Piston engine aircraft flying in formation at a local airshow two years in a row!  What an incredible experience, flying over Narragansett Bay, doing hammerheads and rolls, and waving to the plane beside me.  It was one of the most exhilarating, albeit crazy things I’ve ever done. I’ve also gotten the chance to drive a stock car at the racetrack and drove a few laps in a Ferrari in Vegas – another exhilarating experience.  Of course, buying and driving a Corvette on a day-to-day basis comes in as a close third.

WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF PERFECT HAPPINESS?
Defining happiness is difficult as it means so many different things at different times in life.  For me, right now, perfect happiness is being at peace – being content with my life and where I am in my journey.  Knowing I am healthy in body and mind, discovering true love later in life, and knowing my kids are happy in my home gives me an immense amount of joy each day.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR YOUNGER SELF?
I would tell my younger self not to give up and keep your head high – you will survive, and it will get better.  The fog will clear, the tears will dry, and you will find real love and happiness.

DO YOU HAVE ANY WORDS OF WISDOM FOR YOUNGER WOMEN?
In this day and age, remember that real beauty comes from within.  Being a good human being is so much more attractive than the right lip gloss. Don’t lose your moral compass, don’t sell your soul, and wait for a man who knows how to love you fully, without condition.

WHAT IS A TRAIT YOU ARE MOST PROUD OF?
My curiosity about others on this earth – I love to learn about people and their lives – how they live, how they survived, and how they dealt with challenges.  I love different cultures.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO OR FAVORITE QUOTE?
I have so many… “There, but for the grace of God, go I,” or  “Reach for the stars but remember where you came from,” or “Enjoy the ride – aging is a privilege not experienced by all.”

WHAT DO YOU MOST VALUE IN YOUR FRIENDS?
Integrity, honesty, compassion, and the ability to laugh at themselves.

HOW DID YOU CHANGE OVER THE YEARS?
For me, the changes over the years have been drastic.  Sometimes I think back to who I was as a young adult, and I don’t even recognize her.  As I mentioned, I had a really rough upbringing, and with that, I needed to do a lot of work to heal… I didn’t know this at the time, of course, and I was full of anxiety/depression, codependency, shame about my past, insecurity as to who I was, and felt like an imposter everywhere I went.  Even with all this, I was determined to find my way and be “successful” – I clawed my way through college and, crushing anxiety and all, got my first accounting job.  My confidence in myself started to grow.  I then started to work on the negative messages in my head and became stronger with my voice.  I still had some work to do in my relationship choices, and in my forties, I began to understand how to love and respect myself first, set boundaries, and know that I was worthy of more.  After the divorce, I accepted the help to get out of the depression and walk away from those family and friends who judged or held me back from my highest potential.  Today, I am confident (yet humble), happy (but not unaware of the hills and valleys of life), and empowered (but compassionate). I have found real unconditional love in my partner and my children, and I know, in my heart, I am one of the lucky ones.

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
As an introvert, I’d like to be more social and outgoing. 

WHAT DO YOU HOPE FOR THE FUTURE GENERATIONS?
I hope common ground and humanity come before political views.  I hope the rights of women and people of color are protected and respected in every element of society. 

WHAT BRINGS YOU THE MOST JOY AT THIS AGE?
These days, the simple things in life bring me joy – an unprompted hug from my kids, a nice walk on a Sunday morning, coffee with my finance in the morning, a good meal (that was not prepared by me!), a beautiful painting or watching the critters in the yard.

WHAT IS YOUR SUPERPOWER?
With all the crazy life experiences I have had growing up, I’ve developed an innate ability to read people and situations fairly quickly.  I am extremely observant and my intuition speaks loudly – I know when I am safe and I know when someone is sincere.  This trait can be curse at times but it has kept me out of trouble as well.

DO YOU LIKE BEING 40+?
Yes, you really begin to understand who you are in your 40s and 50s.  You are not afraid to speak your mind and be your authentic self.

WHEN IN YOUR LIFE, SO FAR, HAVE YOU FELT MOST CONFIDENT, AND WHY?
I feel most confident in the life I have today. I know myself fully. I know what is important and what is not, and I am no longer at the whim of others’ expectations. I feel more alive and determined to live today than ever.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE TO ADD?
I am just grateful for this opportunity to document and share my journey.  I have never felt more assured and secure than I do in my fifties, and I look forward to continuing to age gracefully.