Alisha Bond

WHAT DO YOU LOVE MOST ABOUT BEING YOUR AGE?
I like the fact that I no longer care. In the past, I used to be very concerned with how other people were viewing me and what they thought about me and now I just do not care. I feel more invisible, if that makes any sense because I don’t get attention from others. I feel like I can move through the world almost with a cloaking device on and I like that it gives me a sense of freedom.

WHAT HARDSHIPS HAVE YOU ENDURED THAT YOU FEEL HAVE MADE YOU STRONGER?
Probably the biggest one is we lost the kid’s dad when I was 38. He died of an accidental drug overdose and that was a nightmare. It was chaotic, heartbreaking, excruciating, and agonizing, and all the things. I kind of had a turning point at that stage of my life and I decided I had to do something completely different from how I had been living. I made the change and started a new path, a new trajectory. That was by far the biggest hardship, I had 4 kids who just dramatically lost their dad, and it was hard.

His drug addiction had gotten worse and worse, and he had spiraled. We’d had him in treatment multiple times, everybody was pulling for him to try to help him, and he was just not able to overcome it. After his death, I went to a therapist, and she asked me what I did to take care of myself. I looked at her and didn’t understand the question. Working with her helped me get my feet back under me and from that point forward I’ve been doing things differently. That’s why I’m now changing careers to be a marriage and family therapist, it makes so much sense, everything is coming full circle.

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT?
Raising all my children, we have 7 children I have 4 of my own and 3 bonus children. To be part of their lives, to balance raising and being present for them, and to have them still talk to me.
Another accomplishment is that I have had several periods of adversity in my life. I’ve been able to bounce back and still be optimistic, and I know that not everybody can do that.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST EXTRAVAGANCE?
I think my greatest extravagance right now is the time I spend on myself. Going back to school was very extravagant, and very selfish in a lot of ways. I feel great about that decision that I’m going to quit putting every other person ahead of me and do what I want.  It feels very extravagant, but it also feels like the right thing to do.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION?
My most treasured possession is my health, to be pain-free, and my mind.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING YOU HAVE CHECKED OFF YOUR BUCKET LIST?
When I turned 50, I said I was going to do something new, it was going to be my jubilee. Every month I did something I had never done before; in April I went skinny dipping in the ocean. It was one of those things where I thought this was happening, so that’s what I did to celebrate getting older, being in this body, being alive.

WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF PERFECT HAPPINESS?
My idea of perfect happiness is being present in the moment and having peace while you are present in the moment. A lot of our heartache and mental stress involves worrying about the future or regret from the past and if we could figure out how to be present right now, we’ll let all that other stuff go.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR YOUNGER SELF?
I would tell my younger self no one is watching you; no one really cares.

DO YOU HAVE ANY WORDS OF WISDOM FOR YOUNGER WOMEN?
I would tell them to be a proud member of the scar clan. Every woman is going to have times of adversity and I think that women have unique strengths and talents, and it is a blessing to be a woman on this planet and in this world. Women have a unique way of being and I would tell young women to lean into that, embrace it, and love it for all of the good and all of the bad.

WHAT IS A TRAIT YOU ARE MOST PROUD OF?
My humor, I have a good sense of humor, and that has helped me through my entire life. It helps in difficult situations, it helps bridge gaps between people, it helps bring closeness, so yeah that would be it. I can crack a good joke.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO OR FAVORITE QUOTE?
‘Life is not the way it’s supposed to be, it’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference’ from Virginia Satir.

WHAT DO YOU MOST VALUE IN YOUR FRIENDS?
Honesty.

HOW DID YOU CHANGE OVER THE YEARS?
When you are in your 20’s or 30’s you care what other people think. When you are in your 40’s you quit caring. And then in your 50’s you realize that no one was even paying any attention to you anyway so you could have been doing whatever you wanted to be doing.

That’s how I’ve changed. I’ve realized that I can move through this world, and I don’t have to be nearly as concerned about what other people think of me.

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Nothing, I’m exactly who I am supposed to be at this moment in time.

WHAT DO YOU HOPE FOR THE FUTURE GENERATIONS?
It might sound silly but I hope for future generations that they can be more comfortable in their skin so that they don’t have to be hateful towards others that people. That they can accept who they are and where they are. A lot of the angst and wars, religious persecution, racism, and homophobia, and all of this is because people are so uncomfortable with themselves. They can’t accept when somebody’s different. That would be my hope that people on a wide scale would become so comfortable in their skin that they would let other people live as they want to live.

WHAT BRINGS YOU THE MOST JOY AT THIS AGE?
Being with my family, being outside in nature, and just being in connection with other people. I have found a tremendous amount of joy in the program and the field of study that I’m doing right now. I love doing therapy sessions with other people. I’ve spent a lot of money, time, and stress over this. I’m in session now practicing, I’m a student therapist now, I just had a session last night and I’ve got three more this evening. I’m working and I know that I need to keep it together until this is finished and then I can do this full-time.

WHAT IS YOUR SUPERPOWER?
I have a cloaking device, when I was younger, I didn’t realize that I moved through the world as a woman. I’m still a woman, but I received a lot of attention for being a young woman. I was evaluated as a sexual creature.

When I was in my 40s people stopped looking at me, they stopped noticing me, even being aware I was around. At first, I thought this was weird, no one was paying attention to me. I started thinking it’s my age, older women in our society are not relevant at all. I realized I could turn this to my advantage and start moving through the world discreetly, quietly, unnoticed. I realized that gave me a tremendous amount of freedom, I could do whatever I wanted, and nobody paid attention to me. I can do my own thing, I’m never the target of attention, nobody is paying attention.

DO YOU LIKE BEING 40+?
I like being 40 plus because I’m older, I’m wiser, and I don’t worry about as many things now. There is a sense of freedom and I’m done raising my children actively. I have been turning my attention to what I want to do, and how I want to finish my life.

WHEN IN YOUR LIFE, SO FAR, HAVE YOU FELT MOST CONFIDENT, AND WHY?
I felt confident in my mid-20s when I was out of school, I had just gotten my first degree and I was working. I felt like I had the tiger by the tail so to speak, that I could do anything and be anything. And then life came along and knocked me down a little bit. Through hardships, I have regained a sense of confidence now and again I feel in my mind like I’m sort of back in my mid-20s even though I’m in my late 50s now. I think both of those times I feel that sense of confidence.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE TO ADD?
No, this process has been enjoyable. It has made me slow down, so that has been a good thing for me.